I believe in God. I think. At least, I desperately want to.
All of my life, I have envied those that seem at peace with their faith in God. Those that believe unconditionally in their religion and their beliefs. I have always struggled with mine. I want to believe in heaven. I want to believe there is a all-knowing and loving entity greater than humanity. I want to believe prayers are heard. As much as I have tried, I have never felt that “faith”. I have never felt that connection.
I was raised Catholic. I attended religious teaching every Saturday and church every Sunday. I remember sitting in my religion class, as young as second grade, and just questioning everything. Being a very curious child and asking why God killed people when one of his commandments is Thou Shall Not Kill did not go over very well with the religious instructors. I was not asking this to be a smart alack. I really didn’t understand. I guess, I still don’t.
I have a lot of questions about the Bible, faith, and God. I have searched high and low for the answers. I have read the Bible, talked to priests, took World Religion classes in college, and talked to friends about their faith. I want to make sense of it. I want to have that comfort and peace that I see in others at one with their faith.
I have a close friend who finds such comfort in her faith. I mean, true peace that all is in God’s hands. When she has problems or troubling times, her faith helps to guide her through the difficulties. I asked her how she came to this place with her faith. She told me simply that I have to open up my heart to God and he will come. The problem is, I don’t know how.
I can’t help but think that something is wrong with me. Why can’t I feel what others seem to naturally feel about God and faith? I want to believe, really believe. But how?
Wow…really raw honesty…Good for you! Sounds like you have a really receptive heart. This is my advise, for what it is worth: Instead of listening to others opinions about faith, (Thousands of ideas…One Bible, One Truth, One True God.) Pray for it. Tell God. If He is really there, He will hear your prayer and make sure it gets answered. Pray for truth. God says we must worship in spirit and truth. You cannot worship, or love, or have a relationship with someone you do not know. So keep reading your Bible…It is His Word.
I read this..it might help:
“Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld.” (Heb. 11:1) True faith is not credulity, that is, a readiness to believe something without sound evidence or just because a person wants it to be so. Genuine faith requires basic or fundamental knowledge, acquaintance with evidence, as well as heartfelt appreciation of what that evidence indicates. Thus, although it is impossible to have real faith without accurate knowledge, the Bible says that it is “with the heart” that one exercises faith.—Rom. 10:10.
So…open your heart…but PRAY…ask, request, beg for Faith. HE WILL ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS.
and…thanks for sharing. Very thought provoking and well written. All the best to you.
Thank you for your feedback and your advice. I appreciate it.
Hi Lisa,
What an open and honest post. I think at one time or another most have experienced these things. How do we believe in a God we cannot see? How do we believe in a God we cannot touch? How do we believe in a God we cannot hear? So many questions without answers it seems. Then one day I realized we can see God. We can hear God. We can touch God. Most of accomplishing these things are different for us all. I will state how these things came to me.
Of course through a lot of prayer, but when I touched a new born baby, I touched God. When I see a red-bird I see God. When someone tells me they “love me” I hear God. The reason for this, is because God is in all of these things and so many more.
Peace with God: Peace with God always depended more on me then God. God is always standing there ready to give us peace, but if we have say unforgiveness in our hearts there is no peace. If we stay angry or mad with someone, there is no peace. If we say mean and hurtful things to others there is no peace. Our inner peace has so much more to do with other things, outside of our trust in God. We have to try and be God in so many things in our lives, even though we are sinners. It is not always easy either.
As far as God killing and we killing: “Life and death are in God’s hands alone.” We never have the right to take a life He has created. When we do, we are playing God. Most of the time especially in the OT when tribes and nations were done away with, is because of the oppression of God’s nation Israel. These people were killing the Jewish people and this is the nation God had made His Covenants with. All that was done was for the coming of Christ. We must always remember God came as Man and killed Himself on the Cross for us. Suffering and death are a part of life, as much as life is in and of itself. God did not even spare His own Son of these things.
Another reason God killed was for sin and idol worshiping. God did not create us to die, but when sin came into the world, death came. He walked everyday with Adam and Eve in the garden. Think how His heart was broken when He saw what they had done. Even to this though He made them an animal skin to cover their nakedness. That is how much He loved them, even though they had just destroyed the humanity He loved and created.
Take it slow. God is a patient and loving God as long as we are trying to get to Him. I always trust when I am coming to Him, He will take care of my mistakes along the way. You will get there with prayer and one step at a time. God Bless, SR
I did believe in a higher power and also made my communion and confirmation. What I question is why would god let an innocent baby be born with horrible diseases, why would an innocent person get murdered?
Is it that God created the world and it is the human race that is ruining it? It is hard to have faith sometimes.