Category Archives: Uncategorized

Really….She is Just a Friend

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As all of you must of heard already, Herman Cain is suspending his run for presidentancy, after news of a thirteen year affair hit the press. His version of the story is that this woman was “just a friend” and he helped out her with her rent and expenses because she was in financial trouble. The caveat is his wife didn’t know about this friend.

Affairs are nothing new in politics, but I can’t stand the absolute blatant lie this man is telling the American public. I gave him the benefit of the doubt on the sexual harassment claims. But this…I mean really. Who is going to buy what this man is selling?

Ladies, how would you feel if your spouse was friends with a female for thirteen years and you never heard of her name? Add on to that, your spouse is supporting this woman financially! Come on.

I am not defending the mistress either, by any means. She is cashing in on our fifteen minutes of fame because the financial gravy train ended recently.

What I am curious about is why he would run for President? You have this incredibly large skeleton in your closet and you don’t think it is going to come out? Is it arrogance or desire for power that makes men like Herman Cain think they are invincible.

Stop lying, Herman. I think everyone would at least respect him a little more if he owned up to what he did and stopped this terrible acting job of stating they were just friends.

I hate lying! (As you can probably tell by my rant here!) Herman, be a man and apologize to your wife and family.

Madness

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I am reading a book about an American Indian Chief and his tribe, the Comanches.  It is a very interesting book about life in the mid 1800′s in Texas.  What startles me most about the book is the cruelty of the Indians to other tribes and the settlers, as well as the cruelty by the pioneers to the Indians.

During this period of time, babies were dragged from horses, in order to kill them in a prolonged way.  Children were tortured.  Women were gang raped, slowly burned alive, and kept as slaves.  The brutality is common and protracted during the struggle for the ownership of Texas.

I always read non-fiction.  I love to read about history.  However, a disturbing theme is emerging from my reading of everything from African slavery in America to Nazi Germany, are people of all nationalities and cultures – barbaric deep down inside?

Throughout history, there are so many deaths, so many atrocities committed in the name of war, hate, power or greed.  I would like to see them as isolated incidents, but are they?

Are we all are capable of inhuman acts in certain circumstances?  How can we distinguish ourselves from all of the people throughout the history of the world that are capable of torture and murder?  Does it take an event, a tragedy, or a war to turn us into animals built of hate and revenge?

I cannot picture myself harming others or torturing anyone.  I would rather die than harm an infant.  But I cannot help but wonder if the Nazis, before the death camps, saw themselves the same way.

What changes?  What switch in our conscious changes to nonhuman?  I do not know the answer, but I cannot deny the very real potential of the human race at anytime, to turn to madness.  History does repeat itself and have we really learned from the past?

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I Want to Believe

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I believe in God.  I think.  At least, I desperately want to.

All of my life, I have envied those that seem at peace with their faith in God.  Those that believe unconditionally in their religion and their beliefs.  I have always struggled with mine.  I want to believe in heaven.  I want to believe there is a all-knowing and loving entity greater than humanity.  I want to believe prayers are heard.  As much as I have tried, I have never felt that “faith”.  I have never felt that connection.

I was raised Catholic.  I attended religious teaching every Saturday and church every Sunday.  I remember sitting in my religion class, as young as second grade, and just questioning everything.  Being a very curious child and asking why God killed people when one of his commandments is Thou Shall Not Kill did not go over very well with the religious instructors.  I was not asking this to be a smart alack.  I really didn’t understand.  I guess, I still don’t.

I have a lot of questions about the Bible, faith, and God.  I have searched high and low for the answers.  I have read the Bible, talked to priests, took World Religion classes in college, and talked to friends about their faith.  I want to make sense of it.  I want to have that comfort and peace that I see in others at one with their faith.

I have a close friend who finds such comfort in her faith.  I mean, true peace that all is in God’s hands. When she has problems or troubling times, her faith helps to guide her through the difficulties.  I asked her how she came to this place with her faith.  She told  me simply that I have to open up my heart to God and he will come.  The problem is, I don’t know how.

I can’t help but think that something is wrong with me.  Why can’t I feel what others seem to naturally feel about God and faith?  I want to believe, really believe. But how?

Rejection

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A counselor told me that the root of all arguments and conflicts we have in our personal lives is ultimately due to feeling rejected.  She went on to explain that it doesn’t matter if you are rich or poor, an executive or a nun, the core of all of us is that we want to be accepted and loved for who we are, as people.

I think it is a profound statement, and true.  Rejection is a very hurtful.  So hurtful in fact that scientists believe that not only does it cause mental anguish, but actual physical pain.*

The feeling of rejection comes in many forms: feeling unwanted, judged, excluded, and unloved.  When I think of conflicts, she is right, when I have felt rejected in some way, I am prone to react by defending myself, arguing vehemently to prove the other person wrong, or just crying,

So how do I use this nugget of information from the counselor?  I try to be aware in every situation in my personal life, that although I may be hurt or angry at someone close to me, I think about the rejection trigger in myself.  If I realize, I am feeling unwanted or unappreciated I now express that to the person instead of lashing out back and making the situation worse.

I also try to think of the other person’s perspective and try to get to the root of what they are really trying to communicate and their trigger point for feeling rejected.  I am more empathetic, if I don’t take it personally, and look deeper at conflict situations.

I am perfect at this?  Hell no.  The last blog, I wrote about an argument with my son.  I let my emotions of being rejected take over and I regret that evening and everything that was said between us.

Yet, I still believe in the power of this information and it has helped me to lead a better life.

What about you?  Have you learned something from being rejected?

Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/15/fashion/is-rejection-painful-actually-it-is-studied.html

 

 

 

 

Life Lessons

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I am going through some difficult teenage years along with my son.  He wants to be treated as an adult, yet he is very dependant on me.  He uses my car more than I do, I give him money to take his girlfriend out, if he overdrafts his bank account I fix it, I do his laundry….you get the idea.

He craves independence.  He wants to be his own man and make his own decisions.  He will 18 years-old in December.  He is a senior in high school and he has never had a job or any real responsibility.

He is also brilliant, creative, and a great conversationalist.  He is my son and I love him more than anything in the world.

I saw a quote today written by Eckhart Tolle that states, “Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness.”

I thought about what this means in relation to the difficulties my son and I face right now.  How a once very close relationship, has turned in to a power struggle between the giver (me) and the taker (him).

I realized that I am an enabler.  I am so desperate for him to see his full potential then I try every way I can to give to him any advantage I can, hoping that he will fulfill his promises to me about getting a job, taking on more responsibility, and engaging with the family.

I also realized that there is a part of me (deep down) that fears if I don’t give him what he wants then I will lose him forever.  More than I have already lost him.

I think my life lesson is letting go.  I have trouble doing that, not only with my son, but with others in my life that I love.  I can’t let someone drown, even if I go down with them.  I have to, absolutely have to, save them.

My son will be a man soon.  I know someday he will figure out what he needs to do, but I can’t hold on and make everything alright for him.  I need to let him make his own mistakes and learn from them to achieve his own journey.

Last night after a particularly bad argument between us about him wanting to continue to use my car whenever he wants and him not looking for a job, I felt my hand slip away from him.

It hurts to let go.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Take Thee, and Thee and Thee

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I love the show Sister Wives.  Surprising, because I never pictured I would when it first came on TV.  I am all about religious freedom.  I am not against Fundamental Mormonism, or any other religion. However, I definitely had a preconceived notion of polygamy.  I believed the man had it made while the women slaved away and sacrificed.  Watching this family for months now, I realized my assumptions are not true.

Sister Wives is a show about four wives (adult woman) in a long-term marriage with one husband.  This blog is not to debate the moral issue of this or religion, in general.  What fascinates me about this show is how much I like the Browns, and how happy they seem to be as a family.

I used to think polygamy was about the man having four women or more to sleep with whenever he wanted.  In watching this show, it is all about the women.  Poor Cody Brown,  if he acts like an ass, he has four wives to tell him so!   And tell him, they will. I don’t think most men would want that – less it be for a religious calling.  I know my husband sitting next to me watching thought Cody Brown was crazy.

These women are friends, they all work together for the best for the family.  They have different strengths that contribute to the overall well-being of them all.  As a career person, wife, and mom of two kids, I can see understand the psychology of having that support system to make it all work.

Cody Brown is ancillary.  Although he is loved by all the women, he is not the center of this world, the women are the hub, and Cody is lucky enough to be part of it.

Now, while I love the theory of a sister-wife, (and man, I could use one!), I cannot share my husband or my love for him. Just cannot get past that hurdle. : )

So I will continue to watch the Browns’, and enjoy the knowledge I have gained by observing their world.

Unexpected Freedom

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I am back from a blissful time with my family spent in the mountains of Colorado. We rented a cabin near the Colorado River for a weekend.  Now, let me clarify something, my idea of a cabin is a full bathroom with cable and WiFi access.  I am a New Yorker born and bred…so no…I am not kidding.  I don’t like roughing it, at all.

So when I packed my clothes, I also packed my laptop (to blog), my iPad(for music and games) and of course, my Droid phone.  First night there, to my shock and surprise – the WiFi promised was spotty at best.  My laptop, and my iPad were useless!  My phone only had one bar!  I was incredulous.

How was I to keep in touch?  How could I check my work email?  How could I live without the internet for three whole days?

Once I accepted my doomed fate, I decided to forget about blogging, checking emails, calling my sister to chat, and work.  With some trepidation, I decided to enjoy being electronic free.

Enjoy it, I did.  I mean, I really did.  We were in some of the most beautiful scenery in Colorado and we hiked, biked, explored, and I took over five hundreds photographs.  My cell phone sat unchecked in the bottom of my purse.  My laptop sat in the case.  My iPad remained off.

The days were so busy, that I feel to sleep easily from exhaustion.  Not tossing and turning as I usually do at home, my mind racing with all the things I have to do tomorrow.

The lesson?  I love technology and am thrilled to be connected to all of you again, but taking a forced break gave me an unexpected freedom.  Kind of like when I was a kid and all we had to do was to play outside all day until the street lights came on and then we came in reluctantly for the night.  It was nice to play outside all day, as an adult, without a care in the world.  I would recommend it.  : )

Congratulations….We Have Another 17 Year Old Boy

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My husband and I have had challenges with our 17 year old.  I mean real challenges.  At the age of sixteen, he seemed unreachable, rebellious, and like a stranger.  I never cried so much in one year.  My son and I are a lot alike and have always been very close.  To see him slip away….was devastating.

A year forward, he is making really positive strides. We are communicating well, he is attending school, our trust is rebuilding.  He is a smart and caring person and I am seeing the boy I knew my whole life.  I am seeing a young man with unlimited potential.

We recently offered his seventeen year old best friend a place to live.  May sound crazy when we are dealing with our own son’s continued growth, but this young adult was kicked out of his home,  He was living with a neighbor in a small two bedroom house with about twenty other people.  He slept on the floor.  His items were stolen.  He had no money for lunch.

There are always two sides of every story and we met his parents tonight.  They were exasperated.  They were done, according to his mother.  They agreed the environment he was living in was not safe, but they did not want him home.

I know from my experience with my son, how you can reach the end of your rope.  I know how exhausting and emotionally draining it can be. What I cannot understands is having my son out in the world with no parental guidance and support when he is a minor.

I am not judging his parents.  We have always loved our son, and have always to try to provide stability and support.  Yet, our son choose to reject all of that at onetime and was quite prepared to throw away any possibility of a future.  I was beyond worry, and beyond being heartbroken.  However, my husband and I made the decision to do anything we could to save him.  I could not give up.  I could not let go.  I had to find a way to reach him.  I had to find a way to save him.

So we have an additional teenager in the house. My heart breaks when I think of a child sleeping on a floor, with no stability or safety.  I hope we can make a difference from him.  I still also hope to be the best parent I can be to my son who is still maturing and figuring his life out.

It is not easy being a parent and there is no instruction manual on how to do everything right and have your child turn our perfectly.  By conversations with friends and co-workers, it seems more parents then you would except have teens that are seriously struggling.

Am I just getting old and think this generation is the scariest time to grow up or has the world really changed.  What do you think?