Category Archives: Uncategorized

I Take Thee, and Thee and Thee

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I love the show Sister Wives.  Surprising, because I never pictured I would when it first came on TV.  I am all about religious freedom.  I am not against Fundamental Mormonism, or any other religion. However, I definitely had a preconceived notion of polygamy.  I believed the man had it made while the women slaved away and sacrificed.  Watching this family for months now, I realized my assumptions are not true.

Sister Wives is a show about four wives (adult woman) in a long-term marriage with one husband.  This blog is not to debate the moral issue of this or religion, in general.  What fascinates me about this show is how much I like the Browns, and how happy they seem to be as a family.

I used to think polygamy was about the man having four women or more to sleep with whenever he wanted.  In watching this show, it is all about the women.  Poor Cody Brown,  if he acts like an ass, he has four wives to tell him so!   And tell him, they will. I don’t think most men would want that – less it be for a religious calling.  I know my husband sitting next to me watching thought Cody Brown was crazy.

These women are friends, they all work together for the best for the family.  They have different strengths that contribute to the overall well-being of them all.  As a career person, wife, and mom of two kids, I can see understand the psychology of having that support system to make it all work.

Cody Brown is ancillary.  Although he is loved by all the women, he is not the center of this world, the women are the hub, and Cody is lucky enough to be part of it.

Now, while I love the theory of a sister-wife, (and man, I could use one!), I cannot share my husband or my love for him. Just cannot get past that hurdle. : )

So I will continue to watch the Browns’, and enjoy the knowledge I have gained by observing their world.

Unexpected Freedom

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I am back from a blissful time with my family spent in the mountains of Colorado. We rented a cabin near the Colorado River for a weekend.  Now, let me clarify something, my idea of a cabin is a full bathroom with cable and WiFi access.  I am a New Yorker born and bred…so no…I am not kidding.  I don’t like roughing it, at all.

So when I packed my clothes, I also packed my laptop (to blog), my iPad(for music and games) and of course, my Droid phone.  First night there, to my shock and surprise – the WiFi promised was spotty at best.  My laptop, and my iPad were useless!  My phone only had one bar!  I was incredulous.

How was I to keep in touch?  How could I check my work email?  How could I live without the internet for three whole days?

Once I accepted my doomed fate, I decided to forget about blogging, checking emails, calling my sister to chat, and work.  With some trepidation, I decided to enjoy being electronic free.

Enjoy it, I did.  I mean, I really did.  We were in some of the most beautiful scenery in Colorado and we hiked, biked, explored, and I took over five hundreds photographs.  My cell phone sat unchecked in the bottom of my purse.  My laptop sat in the case.  My iPad remained off.

The days were so busy, that I feel to sleep easily from exhaustion.  Not tossing and turning as I usually do at home, my mind racing with all the things I have to do tomorrow.

The lesson?  I love technology and am thrilled to be connected to all of you again, but taking a forced break gave me an unexpected freedom.  Kind of like when I was a kid and all we had to do was to play outside all day until the street lights came on and then we came in reluctantly for the night.  It was nice to play outside all day, as an adult, without a care in the world.  I would recommend it.  : )

Congratulations….We Have Another 17 Year Old Boy

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My husband and I have had challenges with our 17 year old.  I mean real challenges.  At the age of sixteen, he seemed unreachable, rebellious, and like a stranger.  I never cried so much in one year.  My son and I are a lot alike and have always been very close.  To see him slip away….was devastating.

A year forward, he is making really positive strides. We are communicating well, he is attending school, our trust is rebuilding.  He is a smart and caring person and I am seeing the boy I knew my whole life.  I am seeing a young man with unlimited potential.

We recently offered his seventeen year old best friend a place to live.  May sound crazy when we are dealing with our own son’s continued growth, but this young adult was kicked out of his home,  He was living with a neighbor in a small two bedroom house with about twenty other people.  He slept on the floor.  His items were stolen.  He had no money for lunch.

There are always two sides of every story and we met his parents tonight.  They were exasperated.  They were done, according to his mother.  They agreed the environment he was living in was not safe, but they did not want him home.

I know from my experience with my son, how you can reach the end of your rope.  I know how exhausting and emotionally draining it can be. What I cannot understands is having my son out in the world with no parental guidance and support when he is a minor.

I am not judging his parents.  We have always loved our son, and have always to try to provide stability and support.  Yet, our son choose to reject all of that at onetime and was quite prepared to throw away any possibility of a future.  I was beyond worry, and beyond being heartbroken.  However, my husband and I made the decision to do anything we could to save him.  I could not give up.  I could not let go.  I had to find a way to reach him.  I had to find a way to save him.

So we have an additional teenager in the house. My heart breaks when I think of a child sleeping on a floor, with no stability or safety.  I hope we can make a difference from him.  I still also hope to be the best parent I can be to my son who is still maturing and figuring his life out.

It is not easy being a parent and there is no instruction manual on how to do everything right and have your child turn our perfectly.  By conversations with friends and co-workers, it seems more parents then you would except have teens that are seriously struggling.

Am I just getting old and think this generation is the scariest time to grow up or has the world really changed.  What do you think?

Friend or Foe?

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I was talking to a friend of thirteen years.  We just had lunch and were chatting in her car catching up.  Sara asked me to help her with a problem.  She explained that her boss wanted her to complete a form explaining where she wants to be in the company in five years.  Sara’s dilemma was that she did not see herself at that company in five years.  She was not particularly happy with her job.

A little back story on this – Sara has been struggling with what she wants to do with her life for about ten years.  She was approaching fifty years old, and she felt she was not working to her potential. She tried different fields and different companies.  She even quit work entirely and stayed home for a year.  To no avail, she still felt unfulfilled.

I told her how smart she was and how she could do anything she sets her mind to.  I suggested she write down the five things that she was passionate about and maybe that would lead her to what she really wanted to do for a career.  At that point, she became really upset and angry.  She told me to “Please get out of her car.”  As I looked at her in disbelief, she said, “Now!”  I was going to apologize, although I was unsure of what I did.  Instead, I grabbed my purse and as I was shutting her car door, she abruptly pulled away.

I was sincerely trying to help Sara that day.  I wanted to build her confidence and provide the best advice I could think of.   When I thought about that incident later that day, I remembered other times that she has been irrational and angry with me over the years and I never understood why.   The storms would pass quickly and our friendship would resume as if nothing happened.  This day was unlike any other.  I have never been treated that way (by anyone!).  I started questioning whether it was time to break up with my friend.

I read a survey once that the average length of a friendship is 10.23 years.  I think like any other type of relationship, it is difficult to know when it is time to move on. The nature of true friendship is being supportive and there for each other through good and bad times.  A friend is someone you can trust, you can be yourself with, and can count on for support.   I wondered if I should forgive the outburst.  I mean, anyone can have a bad day or a meltdown.  Was I not being a good friend by ditching a friend of fourteen years over one day?

What I realized with my friendship with Sara, was that I was never really comfortable being totally myself with her.  She was very serious and analytical and I was always more optimistic, laid-back, and don’t take myself or life so seriously.  I believe I tried to fit a role she expected of me.   In essence, when I was with her, I tried to be more like her so she would accept and like me.

That day that she kicked me out of her car was the first day in all of those years, I really gave her my true thoughts and opinions with all the passion and enthusiasm which makes me…..me.

After careful thought, I decided to end the friendship.  It did not feel real to me anymore – which was not going to be beneficial to either of us.  I was honest with her, and initially Sara did not understand.  She was angry and then accepting, but sad.

I am sad too.  It is hard to walk away from someone I believed was one of my closest friends for over a decade… but I don’t regret the decision.  I do wish her the best, but I also wish to be myself – flaws, passion, humor, and all.

Do you think I made the right decision?