What an open and honest post. I think at one time or another most have experienced these things. How do we believe in a God we cannot see? How do we believe in a God we cannot touch? How do we believe in a God we cannot hear? So many questions without answers it seems. Then one day I realized we can see God. We can hear God. We can touch God. Most of accomplishing these things are different for us all. I will state how these things came to me.

Of course through a lot of prayer, but when I touched a new born baby, I touched God. When I see a red-bird I see God. When someone tells me they “love me” I hear God. The reason for this, is because God is in all of these things and so many more.

Peace with God: Peace with God always depended more on me then God. God is always standing there ready to give us peace, but if we have say unforgiveness in our hearts there is no peace. If we stay angry or mad with someone, there is no peace. If we say mean and hurtful things to others there is no peace. Our inner peace has so much more to do with other things, outside of our trust in God. We have to try and be God in so many things in our lives, even though we are sinners. It is not always easy either.

As far as God killing and we killing: “Life and death are in God’s hands alone.” We never have the right to take a life He has created. When we do, we are playing God. Most of the time especially in the OT when tribes and nations were done away with, is because of the oppression of God’s nation Israel. These people were killing the Jewish people and this is the nation God had made His Covenants with. All that was done was for the coming of Christ. We must always remember God came as Man and killed Himself on the Cross for us. Suffering and death are a part of life, as much as life is in and of itself. God did not even spare His own Son of these things.
Another reason God killed was for sin and idol worshiping. God did not create us to die, but when sin came into the world, death came. He walked everyday with Adam and Eve in the garden. Think how His heart was broken when He saw what they had done. Even to this though He made them an animal skin to cover their nakedness. That is how much He loved them, even though they had just destroyed the humanity He loved and created.

Take it slow. God is a patient and loving God as long as we are trying to get to Him. I always trust when I am coming to Him, He will take care of my mistakes along the way. You will get there with prayer and one step at a time. God Bless, SR

I read this..it might help:
“Faith is the assured expectation of things hoped for, the evident demonstration of realities though not beheld.” (Heb. 11:1) True faith is not credulity, that is, a readiness to believe something without sound evidence or just because a person wants it to be so. Genuine faith requires basic or fundamental knowledge, acquaintance with evidence, as well as heartfelt appreciation of what that evidence indicates. Thus, although it is impossible to have real faith without accurate knowledge, the Bible says that it is “with the heart” that one exercises faith.—Rom. 10:10.

So…open your heart…but PRAY…ask, request, beg for Faith. HE WILL ANSWER YOUR PRAYERS.

and…thanks for sharing. Very thought provoking and well written. All the best to you.